Hope.

At school there was always a lot of talk about how "broken" we all are, and while there is some truth to this, insofar as we are all touched by original sin and have particular struggles in our lives, I have always been frustrated by this mentality. People who talk about being "broken" often fall into one of two categories: those who think that people who are broken need to be fixed and go back to the way they were, and those who believe that we need to leave our brokenness behind and just move on. 

There is something wrong with both viewpoints. Maybe we are "broken", maybe that's what we can call that terrible unwavering temptation we battle everyday with varying success, but if we are broken we can't simply be fixed. We can't just glue together the pieces and be good as new. Because we aren't... we're better. We're new, we're different. We "break" like muscles, not china vases. With each little break and a lot of God's grace, we are built back up into something stronger than what we were before. Each sorrow, each sin, each trial, when properly treated as the opportunity for growth that it is, only serves to transform us into stronger, deeper, wiser people than we were before. 

And so we cannot, nor should we attempt to, return to our previous state or pretend that nothing ever happened. Something did happen, and maybe it was terrible, awful, no-good, and even very very bad, but somehow it changed us, and we must embrace that (there's really nothing else you can do anyway, so you might as well make the best of it) and allow ourselves to be transformed. And we will be. It might be difficult to see, especially for yourself (it's ever so much easier to see good things working in other people's lives), but the change is there. If you know anything about the Romantic movement in literature, you know what I mean when I say that the person who allows himself to be transformed by such experiences becomes sublimely beautiful. 

So don't despair... we're all mad here, and it's a beautiful, growing, fabulous madness.

PS- for anyone who knows what I mean, think back to the muscle reference and laugh... *poof*

The glory of God is man fully alive!

What would you do if you knew you could not fail?

Here are some things I would do to start off with:

Write a book or two.
Become fluent in German, Spanish, French, Italian, Dutch, Latin, and every form of English that has ever existed.
Go sailing.
Learn to play saxophone and Spanish guitar.
Dance salsa, cha-cha, rumba, waltz (Viennese and regular), lindy-hop and various types of swing.
Archery.
Sword-fighting (like knights or soldiers,  not fencing).

Given enough time (and money), I'm sure I could do all of these things. I bet there are lots of things you would like to do as well. So what's stopping us?!?

Fear. Fear of failure, fear of imperfection.

Do you know what? Fear is the only thing that can stop you from living. Death can't even do it on his own, he has to employ fear of the unknown to really kill us. Death is really just the beginning of the next great adventure, but fear... fear stops us in our tracks. Fear can paralyze us to the point of indecision and stagnation, inducing a state of inertia which is nigh impossible to resist. But resist it we must, for a life lived in fear is no life at all, it is mere existence.

I have resolved to stop just existing and really live! It is very difficult to take risks and do anything without knowing and accepting the exact consequences, but I am determined to do so (within reasonable bounds of course; I don't have a death wish). Courage. Courage is not the absence of fear, but taking action in spite of it. I must take courage. We must all take courage. Each and every single day should be an exercise in courage, in knowing all the excuses we could make, all the things that could stop us from succeeding, and making the attempt anyway. Sure, there will be times when we fail. We can't do everything after all. But I am 100% sure that there will be so many more times we will succeed! Almost all the things I haven't done are not undone because of failure, but because I never even tried to do them in the first place!

So this is my resolution: to live. You should join  me.

“I plead with you--never, ever give up on hope, never doubt, never tire, and never become discouraged. Be not afraid.” 

“Have no fear of moving into the unknown. Simply step out fearlessly knowing that I am with you, therefore no harm can befall you; all is very, very well. Do this in complete faith and confidence.” 

~Blessed Pope John Paul II

Unlisted

I love  making lists. To-do lists, lists of goals and aspirations, lists of books I've read and books I'd like to read, many, many lists. The "About Me" section on facebook is very handy for making such lists as well and even brings up little pictures of your listed items, which explains why mine is so long... that little click which produces a picture and adds to your list is just so satisfying.

Why is making lists so satisfying? Because when you put something on a list, you exercise some sort of control over it. You categorize it, put it in a box, and tell it to stay there until you can check it off. And it can't do anything about it.

Power. Authority. Confidence. It may sound silly or far-fetched, but if you really get to the heart of the matter, these feelings are what list-making is capable of inciting in the list-maker, and a big part of why making lists is so attractive. To-do lists are particularly prone to this, because by writing down all the things you aim to do, you feel like you have already begun. HOWEVER, you haven't. You have only thought about beginning. That is great. You must think about what you want to accomplish before you go out and do it. But unless you actually do something, or at least try, there is no point to all those lists and that power you felt is only that: a feeling. It is only when you check off items on your list that those feelings may in fact be merited; before that they are just ghosts from the future, shadows of potentiality.

I think it's important to remember that the power or confidence you may derive from lists does not (or at least should not) come from the list (or the check mark) itself. It comes from you. You feel confident because you had an idea and a plan and you followed through with it. You owned that list.

That's all great, but problems arise when you try to put people on lists. I'm not really talking about facebook friend lists and such here, as those are really more to help you control privacy settings than anything else. I'm talking about people-I-want-to-get-to-know lists, possible-future-significant-other lists, "bad lists" and the like. You cannot own a list like that. You cannot box people in like that. Think about a friend and imagine that you were on a list like that that they had made. Do you like that idea? In the first example, at what point did they finish getting to know you so as to check off that little box next to your name? No, they didn't. No one besides God will ever know you completely enough to do that. You never really finish getting to know someone and to think that you have is kind of shallow. In the second example, true love transcends lists and if  you are really in love that person will supersede every "backup plan" and you will forget any other possibilities. No one wants to be your option, they want to be your everything.  How can you put your all into a relationship if you're still holding on to "just in case"s? Let go and take a risk-- if things don't work out at least you'll have "failed while daring greatly", like the Man in the Arena.  And as for the last example, the one about really obnoxious or hurtful people being on your "bad list"... well, what about redemption? Not saying be naive and unrealistic, sometimes people don't change and it really is better to just avoid them, but I think it's very petty to relegate someone to "the bad list" when you're a bit peeved at them.

I apologize if this all seems a bit haphazard or disjointed; I've been avoiding about 63 tangents or so while writing this out with varied success, and I'm still collecting my thoughts on the matter. I guess what I'm trying to say is: lists are great tools to keep track of  your goals, you just have to remember to work towards those goals. If you make lists, make sure they have a point other than decorating your living space with sticky notes. And make sure that the things on your lists are things, not people.  Keep your friends unlisted.

When you have ideas and goals and things to do and then you do them and check them off your list, you can feel so accomplished! Feel the power... feel it! Muahahahaha... those little life goals never stood a chance!