Unlisted

I love  making lists. To-do lists, lists of goals and aspirations, lists of books I've read and books I'd like to read, many, many lists. The "About Me" section on facebook is very handy for making such lists as well and even brings up little pictures of your listed items, which explains why mine is so long... that little click which produces a picture and adds to your list is just so satisfying.

Why is making lists so satisfying? Because when you put something on a list, you exercise some sort of control over it. You categorize it, put it in a box, and tell it to stay there until you can check it off. And it can't do anything about it.

Power. Authority. Confidence. It may sound silly or far-fetched, but if you really get to the heart of the matter, these feelings are what list-making is capable of inciting in the list-maker, and a big part of why making lists is so attractive. To-do lists are particularly prone to this, because by writing down all the things you aim to do, you feel like you have already begun. HOWEVER, you haven't. You have only thought about beginning. That is great. You must think about what you want to accomplish before you go out and do it. But unless you actually do something, or at least try, there is no point to all those lists and that power you felt is only that: a feeling. It is only when you check off items on your list that those feelings may in fact be merited; before that they are just ghosts from the future, shadows of potentiality.

I think it's important to remember that the power or confidence you may derive from lists does not (or at least should not) come from the list (or the check mark) itself. It comes from you. You feel confident because you had an idea and a plan and you followed through with it. You owned that list.

That's all great, but problems arise when you try to put people on lists. I'm not really talking about facebook friend lists and such here, as those are really more to help you control privacy settings than anything else. I'm talking about people-I-want-to-get-to-know lists, possible-future-significant-other lists, "bad lists" and the like. You cannot own a list like that. You cannot box people in like that. Think about a friend and imagine that you were on a list like that that they had made. Do you like that idea? In the first example, at what point did they finish getting to know you so as to check off that little box next to your name? No, they didn't. No one besides God will ever know you completely enough to do that. You never really finish getting to know someone and to think that you have is kind of shallow. In the second example, true love transcends lists and if  you are really in love that person will supersede every "backup plan" and you will forget any other possibilities. No one wants to be your option, they want to be your everything.  How can you put your all into a relationship if you're still holding on to "just in case"s? Let go and take a risk-- if things don't work out at least you'll have "failed while daring greatly", like the Man in the Arena.  And as for the last example, the one about really obnoxious or hurtful people being on your "bad list"... well, what about redemption? Not saying be naive and unrealistic, sometimes people don't change and it really is better to just avoid them, but I think it's very petty to relegate someone to "the bad list" when you're a bit peeved at them.

I apologize if this all seems a bit haphazard or disjointed; I've been avoiding about 63 tangents or so while writing this out with varied success, and I'm still collecting my thoughts on the matter. I guess what I'm trying to say is: lists are great tools to keep track of  your goals, you just have to remember to work towards those goals. If you make lists, make sure they have a point other than decorating your living space with sticky notes. And make sure that the things on your lists are things, not people.  Keep your friends unlisted.

When you have ideas and goals and things to do and then you do them and check them off your list, you can feel so accomplished! Feel the power... feel it! Muahahahaha... those little life goals never stood a chance!